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“Opposites attract” is a law of attraction, at least
where electromagnetism is concerned. But are there laws
about attraction between two people? “In a world that is
full of strangers” as a line in a famous song of the
1980’s goes, is there a clear set of rules that allows
two people to fall for each other?
Is attraction a matter of chemistry?
Maybe. According to scientists, the attraction between
animals of the opposite sex is all about chemicals
called pheromones. The effect of pheromones in behavior
of insects is the most studied to date. It has been
observed, at least in some experiments, that pheromones
are responsible for communication among same species and
colony of ants. The horrible odor released by skunks to
ward off enemies is said to be a kind of pheromone. Some
species of apes rub pheromone-containing urine on the
feet of potential mates to attract them. Some scientists
believe that animals (usually the females) such as
insects and mammals send out these chemical signals to
tell the male of their species that their genes are
different from theirs. This gene diversity is important
in producing offspring with better chances of survival.
The perfume industry has capitalized on pheromones as a
means to increase one’s sexual attractiveness to the
opposite sex. Animals such as the whale and the musk
deer were hunted down for these chemicals.
Lately, scientists are looking into the existence of
human pheromones and its role in mate selection. There
are many conflicting views in the realm of biology,
chemistry, genetics, and psychology. Most scientists
would assert that these do not exist, or if they do, do
not play a role in sexual attraction between a man and a
woman. But new researches such as that conducted by
Swiss researchers from the University of Bern led by
Klaus Wedekind are slowly making these scientists
rethink their stand. Their experiment involved women
sniffing the cotton shirts of different men during their
ovulation period. It was found out that women prefer the
smell of men’s shirts that were genetically different,
but also shared similarities with the women’s genes.
This, like in the case of insects and other mammals, was
to ensure better and healthier characteristics for their
future children. But researchers also cautioned that
preference for a male odor is affected by the women’s
ovulation period, the food that men eat, perfumes and
other scented body products, and the use of
contraceptive pills.
Does personality figure in sexual attraction?
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Yes, but so does your perception of a potential mate’s
personality. According to a research conducted by
Klohnen, E.C., & S. Luo in 2003 on interpersonal
attraction and personality, a person’s sense of
self-security and at least the person’s perception of
his/her partner were found to be strong determinants of
attraction in hypothetical situations.
What does this
tell us? We prefer a certain personality type, which
attracts you to a person. But aside from the actual
personality of the person, which can only be verified
through close interaction through time, it is your
perception of your potential partner that attracts you
to him/her, whether the person of your affection truly
has that kind of personality or not.
This could probably
account for a statement commonly heard from men and
women on their failed relationships: “I thought he/she
was this kind of person.” |
So how does attraction figure in relationships?
You have probably heard that attraction is a prelude, or
a factor towards a relationship. Most probably, at least
in the beginning; but attraction alone cannot make a
relationship work. It is that attraction that makes you
notice a person from the opposite sex, but once you get
to know the person more, attraction is just one
consideration. Shared values, dreams, and passions
become more significant in long-term relationships.
So should I stop trying to become attractive?
More than trying to become physically attractive, work
on all aspects of your health: physical, emotional,
mental, and spiritual. Physical attraction is still a
precursor. Remember, biology predisposes us to choose
the partner with the healthiest genes. Where your
emotions are concerned, just ask this to yourself: would
you want to spend time with a person who feels insecure
about him/herself? Probably not! There is wisdom in
knowing yourself: who you are, your beliefs, values, and
dreams. And do not pretend to be someone you are not.
Fooling another person by making him/her think that you
share the same values and beliefs is only going to cause
you both disappointments. When you are healthy in all
aspects, attractiveness becomes a consequence and not an
end. As mentioned in the Klohnen and Luo’s research, a
person’s sense of self-security matters, perhaps even
beyond attraction. But remember: do these things for
yourself and not for other people. Only then can you
truly harness your attractiveness as a person. |
